The Not-Computer desk meets it's Match!

Tadaaah! The not computer desk experienced it's downfall today!  it met it's match in the wiley knowledge of the mysterious, illusive weekend  Dobby.  :)

It was a cloudy, windy, rainy day here at WindyHill.  Big shock there, I know.  We snuck up on the unsuspecting not computer desk quietly....we eyed it from a distance so as not to spook it.  The Dobby nodded gravely, and said.

"I think I can get this done pretty quickly,  with your help."
(No, I did not tell him about my break down in regards to the not computer desk earlier in the month ~ I didn't want to spook HIM off!)

I settled for smiling and nodding politely.

The Dobby asked me for the screws/nuts/bolts and whatevers, that came with the not computer desk.

Me: ummm, about that, Doom ate most of them.
Dobby: Of-course he did...do you have the rest?
Me: Sure!

Cam Screws

I hand him a bag of slightly chewed special screw type things..these are not regular screws..I would describe how they work, but I have no idea.  They are called "Cam Screws" and look nothing like any screw I have ever seen.  I had planned on using the "Jshoot" and regular screws myself.  I am told that the "proper name" for a "Jshoot" is a battery operated drill (or something close to that) but "Jshoot" is the sound it makes when screwing in a screw so "Jshoot" it is.  I told you I was a girly girl.


Moving on,  the Dobby nodded and headed for the not computer desk..

"Be careful."  I cautioned..."It bites"

The Dobby rolled his eyes at me and picked up the largest part of the not computer desk ~ the desk part, it's slick and...he dropped it on his toe.

"Ouch!"
" I told you it bites."

Again, with the eye rolling.

Now, the desk part is one of the portions of the not computer desk that got me so confused...as far as I could tell, the desk part is supposed to just magically hover in mid-air.  I don't have the spell for that...so I was hoping the Dobby had another plan...

Right: so we forget about the desk part for the time being.  First, we gathered all the not computer desk parts into one room.  I had the "Jshoot" handy just in case it was needed.  I was still have a hard time imagining something that doesn't need to be screwed in if it has screws....

After coaxing the not computer desk into semi-submission, the Dobby assembled the base of the not computer desk...thus alleviating the need for the desk part to magically levitate.  Thank goodness for that.   He used the Cam Screws!!  All it took was a quick twist with a regular boring screw driver (that has no fun name ~ but I'm going to call it Earl to be safe) and the screws were...well, screwed.   Hmmmm.  Weird.  It seemed sturdy enough.  Next the desk part, I helped lift it this time.  It didn't bite, it offered a few random ornery moments at best.

WAIT!  We forgot the slidy-outy part for the key board to sit on.  Dobby grandly bowed and allowed me to use the "Jshoot" and real screws to attach it...backwards!  The slidy-outy thing should slide towards you as you sit in your comfy chair.  Mine slid away from me (story of my life right)  Dobby chuckled and we unscrewed it and re-screwed it.  The "Jshoot" does this with just the press of a button.  Is that cool or what?!

<<the "Jshoot"

Moving on, next is the...top...Right:  I don't know the proper name and neither did Dobby, he thought it was the bottom at first, so no sense in asking him to name it too.  The problem with the weekend Dobby and I working on any project together, is that it is quite like the blind leading the blind.  We have to look at pictures first and usually we call the local home Depot/Lowes/Menards to ask questions.  This time, it was photos only as we didn't know the names of the parts so we could ask anything beyond..."How in the heck do we assemble this not computer desk?"  I was afraid they would hang up.  Hate to waste time like that.

Okay, we placed the top onto the desk portion.  Great.  No Cam screws left and we needed some: TADAA!!   "Jshoot" and I to the rescue!

*Note:*  The screws that you choose when you are screwing the top to the desk portion should be shorter than the two pieces of wood put together are..

*Note*  If you have chosen a screw that is too long and it goes through the other side threatening the cats eyeballs and anything else with in scratching distance ask your weekend Dobby to get bolt cutters and cut off the excess.  When he can not find that, have him use anything else that is scissor-like and encourage him by saying, "just squeeze the handles really  hard it will work!"  When the rest of the screw goes pinging around the room, duck, and ...make sure you find it before the Mastiff does or he will be "screwed" (oh come on, that was worth a snicker)

Hippie Bandaid for computer desk!

*Note* Cover the rest of the screw that is still sticking out with something with padding so that the screw can not poke through it.  Such as a cotton ball, when you can't find a cotton ball, use a feminine panty liner and cover with festive duck tape.



*Note* When your young son asks you about it, tell him it's a hippy bandaid for the computer desk and refuse to answer anymore questions about it.  Ignore him when he smirks at you like you are an idiot.

*Note* Plywood, or whatever this pressed together wood type stuff is cracks when you get a real screw into it and it's too close to the edge of the board.  Hence the need for the Mastiff not to eat the cam screws.

*Note* Cam screws are not miracle workers and can not withstand the pressure when you try to move the Computer desk to where you actually want it.

*Note*  Put the computer desk together where you want it to be stationed...not 5 feet away from that spot...the Cam screws will protest.

Yes, okay you caught me.  I insisted against Dobby's protests that we had to move the computer desk to the office corner of my multi-purpose room.  (Right now it's the everything room, but it sounds oh-so-much classier to say Multi-purpose room)

We moved it with no incidents...

Me:  I want it just a liiiittle closer to the wall...just a tiny bit.
Dobby:  That's pretty risky, but we can try.

Try we did...Crrrraaack

Both of us:  DAMN IT!

Out comes the "Jshoot" and real screws.  I'm not moving it again.

The moral of the story:

From this...

To This..(note the rare photo of house Dobby in the background)

Oh my Gosh!!  The not computer desk is ...a computer desk!!  I can't even believe it is so!! I am so lucky!  I am so proud!  I am so happy!  I am typing on it RIGHT now!  Doesn't it look so much typy-er when I am typing on the real computer desk?!  I feel so efficient now.

To this! My Office Area!

I feel that I must make honorable mention of my former computer desk for all of it's months of hard service.  I was very grateful for it when I moved it to WindyHill, because prior to that, it was myself, the floor and a bucket with the monitor on top of it and the keyboard on my knees!  I'm NOT making that up:)

Former Computer Desk in all it's Glory!

Now, I must bid you Adieu, as I think I have to move my fertility frog out of the Window, it's confusing the suicidal Cardinal.