The Fertility Frog, The Suicidal Cardinal, The Good Luck Turtle, The Lucky Elephant, The Stretchy Cat, and The Skunks Tail...

The tittle sounds like a childrens book doesn't it ~ barring the suicidal Cardinal of-course.

Let me introduce you to the gang..

First the Fertility Frog and how he got his name.  My friend A--- is Latina, and she gets pregnant approximately once a year due to someone looking at her funny from across the room.  It's a proven fact that if you are Latina you can get pregnant that way.  Anyway, she was kind enough to rent WindyHill for a few months and live here.  She calls me up one day and tells me there is a tree frog in the house.  I said well, get it out of the house, it's probably a Fertility frog and it's about that time of year for you isn't it?  She hastily agreed and tried to catch said tree frog that was hanging out on the wall in the multi-purpose room.  Turns out that they climb fast.  She was worried that it would suction to the ceiling above her bed and drop on her in the middle of the night for revenge.  I thought she might be right.  After several unsuccessful attempts at finding a suitable stool to stand upon to capture said tree frog she gave up.   Thus, the Fertility Frog lived on in the house.  I found her quite often in the bathroom above the shower  head.  One day she (the fertility frog..not A---) was just gone.  It was a sad day on WindyHill.  I also asked A---  if she were pregnant.  18 pregnancy tests later, she assured me that she was not...at least probably not.

Well, as it happens, myself and the borrowed House Dobby were outside of the house ~ he was aggressively chopping the heads off of innocent weeds that were threatening to take over the entire planet if something were not done about them....and I was cheering him on.  "Kill! kill! kill!"  He halted suddenly in chopping work.
Me:  What's wrong...there are more weeds, they are  headed right for us!
Him: I think you might want to see this.
(oh gee whiz, did he kill a bunny or something?)
He opens his hands to reveal what I have affectionately named the Fertility Frog... we think that when the original fertility frog went missing, she arranged to come back as this figurine so that she can continue to Bless our home with Fertility for so long as we shall live here...or if we ever live here for real:)

Fertility Frog Side

Fertility Frog Front...see how she holds her tummy?! Fertility!

 
I like her.  She is in my multi-purpose room being fertile. I have deemed her to be for the cats, not myself.

Next, the suicidal Cardinal.  You see, when I purchased this Godforsaken Monstrosity,   lovely home, all of the windows were broken out.  I do mean all of them.  The house had sat empty for three years, before I was duped into it, I lucked out and got it!  This led to much wildlife taking up residence here.  Apparently, some of the wild life is not happy, nor easily convinced that it can no longer reside within these walls.  This leads us to the Suicidal Cardinal, I call him "Sucidey."  Not very original to be sure, but accurate.  As I was laying in my bed in the early morning here on WindyHill, I kept hearing this mysterious clink, clink, clink outside my window in the multi-purpose room.... I immediately sprang into action!  "Doom! Doom! Doom!" I called ~ this has double effect you see, first of all it awakens my Mastiff, second, whoever was surely trying to break into my window would hear me hollering Doom! and presume a psycho squatter is dwelling here and sneak away leaving me in peace.

Dragonart.com 

 The dog ambled to my side, sniffed my face and sat down.  This is Doomish for "food?"  I whisper to him that someone is out there and he needs to be prepared to defend the Estate!  He settled further back on his haunches looking at me quizzically  ~ this is Dooomish for ..."food?"  Oddly, after my yelling, there is no more clinking, I presume the alleged serial killer has gone away.  We all know that serial killers stalk us in the early morning hours in broad daylight right?  About ten mintues later, clink, clink, clink! OH MY GOSH! He's back!  "DOOM!"  I yell...the dog raises and eyebrow at me and sighs.  It did bring my Lab Great Dane mix (Karma) over to me with much tail wagging...this is "Karmaese" for "love?"  SIGH.  I am awake now for sure.  I very carefully peak out the curtains trying not to move them much...and I see....nothing.  hmmm.  I decide to start getting things done around here.  First to clean the dusty floors.  I'm sweeping away when I hear...clink, clink, clink...Doom rolled over on his back and snored loudly to show me that he had no intention of helping me avert this great impeding danger to our very lives.  Karma wagged her tail..thump, thump, thump on the floor.  clink, clink, clink on the window.
(great now they are communicating)  It probably means Kill us now in ax-murderer Morse code.  Holding my breath, and saying many prayers, I peak out the window again ~ without shouting "Doom" first.  I see a bright red cardinal repeatedly throwing himself against my window.  aaaah, I see, he used to live here.  I observed him for quite some time peering out of the crack in the curtains.  It seems his wife is in the nearby bush squawking up a storm, fluffing her feathers and so on, he would throw himself into the window, fall to the ground, flap over to her, she would peck at him and squawk and he would do it again.  He does this all day long periodically throughout the day, no matter the season.  If a plant or figurine (say a fertility frog for instance) is on the window sill he redoubles his efforts.  If a cat (say Queen Elsa) is on the window sill, he is strangely absent.

likeness of suicidey.

Obviously, I can't get a photo of the real bird, if he sees movement, he flutters away ~ much to his wife's disappointment I  might add.

Next, we have  our Good Luck Turtle:  My son and I were walking around in the back pasture of the property procrastinating doing real work.  My son loves to throw things, therefore, he would periodically stoop down, pick up a rock and throw it in front of us.  He claims it was to frighten away snakes in the grass. I claim it was an excuse to throw things, but at least he is not throwing it towards the house.  Upon one of his stoopings, he discovered the Good Luck Turtle.  I know it's a good luck turtle because the discussing of it, and the washing of it and the placing of it upon the counter took up at least 3 hours of our time ~ thereby making it too late for us to do anything else that day.  Besides, the Chineese say turtles are good luck and so do some Indian tribes.  So, it's my good luck turtle.

Good Luck Turtle

Good Luck Turtle trying to escape the photographing session.

Next, we have The Lucky Elephant.  You see, one day I am going to win the Publishers Clearing House $5000.00 a week for life (a purchase is not necessary to win) I have been clicking on their emails every day for 4 years now.  I'm just certain that each day brings me closer to winning.  I have never, ever ordered anything from them.  Not even one time.  (no purchase is necessary to win.)  In the back of my mind, I wondered if a purchase was necessary to win.  I have to click through about 5 pages of useless stuff I do not want to get to the "your entry is confirmed" page...after which they send me to another page with "an exciting offer, I'm sure to love."  usually it's how to save on car insurance or panty  hose that never get runs in them.  Then one final click and I get "another chance to win!"  I have promised myself that when I get that $5000.00 a week for life, I shall first give some to God as a huge thank you.  Then, I shall purchase something from their little "order now" form. .  Well, it was nagging me in the back of my mind...what if a purchase IS necessary.  I bet there are little old women going broke all over the country purchasing useless crap they don't need and re-gifting it to the grandchildren and thereby increasing  their chances of winning the $5000.00 a week for life!!  Well I can't have that!  I can't have miss Mabel down the road who is going to die soon anyway and leave all those millions to her spoiled grandkids who's homes are now filled with useless crap horning in on my chances of winning!!  So...I did it, I purchased something.  For only  $4.95 a  month for 6 months, I can have my very own, hand carved Jade Elephant.   It was made in Nyrobi by a starving Pygmy, I am feeding the hungry, I am helping a nation, I am a genuine Jade owner!  The Chineese say Jade and Elephants are lucky...so he is my $5000.00 dollar a week for life Elephant.  We call him "Whitey" ~ (insert the white elephant in the room reference of your choice here)

PCH Good Luck Elephant!

I am buying into the hype.  I rub his  head for luck daily.

Next Stretchy Cat:  Michael found stretchy cat in my basement and brought it upstairs to me proudly pronouncing it perfect for a crazy cat lady!  It looks like it should be an incense burner, which would make it useful to me, as I do love the smell of patchouli.  But no, it appears to be a salt or pepper shaker.  Ewww, I refuse to "wash it and use it." as Michael suggested for salt or pepper ~ besides what good is one stretchy cat salt or pepper shaker without it's mate?   I suspect that this one is the Pepper shaker because he is black, so he is a boy.  After much research online (done when I should be applying for jobs) I have discovered that salt and pepper cat shakers are ubiquitous.  However, I have not found a single one that looks like stretchy cat.  The poor thing is mateless.  He has asked me to put a S/B/S/C (single black stretchy cat) add up for him, and I have promised to do so as soon as time allows.   Meanwhile, has has made friends with the other figurines upon the shelf and is doing well for himself.  He has no purpose here other than to sit around and be stretchy and start conversations that go like this:  "Hey, cool, an incense burner, do you have some patchouli to light?"  Or "Why do you only have the pepper shaker?" Or "Where is the rest of the set?'  and of-course my favorite. "Why do you have this?  I thought you hated nick-nacks, what-nots and magilicutties."
Me:  I do.

Stretchy Cat...stretching

Stretchy Cat face

This nick-nack can stay for awhile though, I am thinking about putting him on the window sill to see what suicidey does about that one!

Finally, we have the skunk tail.  We went to an Indian Celebration (Feather not dot) that happens locally every year.  I love it there!  The wonderful smells of the oh-so -delicious food, the drums drumming, the bagpipes playing, the horses, the crowds, the venders.  LOVE!  Okay, so I promise my son he can try some of the unique food ~ being the great critic of food that he is.  He tried, buffalo burgers and apple dumplings...mmmmh.   Ha, you thought I was going to say skunk didn't you?  Okay, so we come across a "pelt" vendor.  We are to presume that this young handsome American Indian has captured and eaten these animals and then skinned and tanned their hides for trade.  While I was drooling over the American Indian selling his wares (the pelts) my son was choosing a pelt.  He chose the skunk tail for it's uniqueness.  He carried it around for the rest of the day.  We hung it from my rearview mirror at first, but took it down because it looked like we had scalped someone.  Glad it wasn't hanging in the car when the police officer pulled me over with the dogs.  It may have proved to be too much even for the most seasoned of officers.   Now it hangs in the....you guessed it...the multi-purpose room.  We have to hang it up high though, as Doom is just waiting for the chance to eat it, the cats really, really want to play with it and if it's on the floor I think it's the least weasel and run and scream!

Looks like the whole skunk right?  Nope just the tail, but we can have fun  doing a little puppet show with him:)

So there you have it, our lucky bunch!

The lucky Four!

Stretchy Cat declined to be in the last photo due to the fact that he and the skunk tail are both black and long and they blend into each other and it just looks like a weird black mass sitting behind the rest of the figures...that and stretchy cat was in the kitchen on the shelf and that was too far to walk:)

OH! An Honorable Mention must be made of the Happy Rooster that Michael found in the barn ~ that was doubling as a chicken hatchery...or whatever they are called.  It's a ceramic Rooster Figurine, and he proudly brought it to me asking me if I would like to see his...Rooster.  He keeps it in his bedroom on the night stand and calls it his night rooster...